Definition exactly the Point

For quite some time the phrase has been thrown at me in the middle of this road called life, "Erin, it's a defining moment." My response without hesitation is, "Another one!"

Mostly these "character builders" are simply refining us, or at least this is what mom constantly insists upon me. Yet while I appreciate the sweet ring it has when stated, a "defining moment" ultimately screams struggle. While I thought running the race well would incorporate some rest days, I can't say I believed running races well meant we're on crutches from time to time too. It seems impossible, with defining moments thrown at me all the time, to feel I'm running this race successfully.

Yet how am I defining a successful race? To what standard is a race run well, is life lived well? What if I took time to close the gaps between these moments would I better understand endurance?

While often caught on camera or prayed over, most moments in my life become memories seldom remembered. If preserved, what more would be of these precious seconds molding me? What is His point in the moment by moment of my walk...? Does He define me by the miracle of moment?

Vale! The Wait

.Vale. It's worth the heartaches and the hardtakes.

His Word reveals comforting truths in Proverbs 4:23, Jeremiah 29:11, and Philippians 4:7.Vale.

In Phil. 4:7 when the Lord ensures peace to guard our hearts and minds, I sit back to contemplate "why" the cover of my life reads risky. According to society, the pages of my life would unfold as a complete wreck. No certainty at all for shelter or employment and no longer engaged as of last Wednesday. Little things like fractures in my right foot&ankle or the burnt hole in the back of a beloved Patagonia coat don't help the situation. Gimping down the steps, I wonder if the Cherokee will decide to start today. A disaster, right? Trusting the Lord might look like risky business from this angle. Or is it?...


In the midst of what may look like me falling off the deep end, I hold onto verses such as those above and truly find myself at peace in Him. In 2009, the theme has been taking steps back in order to move forward. My walk has drastically changed directions in light of a more fervent yearning for my Father. Unanswered questions remain unanswered, but I'm calmed by feeling His hand even if I cannot always see it.... Nevertheless, I have some explaining to do.


It might have started as an effort to pacify questions like "What's new?,"Where are things?," "How can I pray for you more specifically?" or basic inquiries for a "status update". My heartfelt desire to thoroughly, transparently answer each inquiry resulted in more than writing. Little did I know writing it out,finally posting my moments, would provide the release so desperately longed for - a way to both "pour in," through "pouring out".

So where was I last week anyway? What did happen with "a lot of decisions".

The first chioce made kicked off the day - the engagement.
I had attempted to head to the gym, go to work and start my day as normal. In the early hours of the morning, I didn't expect 9 AM would come behind a closed the door of the Accenture Reston office, lights off, in tears...
I was faced with two questions. More or less, "will you be my fiance and will you wear my ring?" My answer was negatively spoken and my heart instantly broken. Building to this moment, the truth was a dagger. I hesitated then and still do now in the decision to end engagement because I know the man to which I was speaking is a soul mate, good man and best friend. "He's a catch as he would say to me". Yet the missing communication, the up-down directions, and general struggles to merge our lives put on the breaks. Inevitably I grew numb to the hurt and found myself called to wait. Marriage must start on a firm foundation (in the Lord if so the focus of your life) - this engagement didn't reflect a solid foundation. It doesn't end here at our decision, in fact, it seemed to hold a new beginning for us...


During recent weeks, he has continued to shower me in love and taken time himself to earnstly seek the Lord for direction. The differences rekindle so many feelings that grew numb in me; I struggle to stay consistent with evidence showing a future with this man is certain. One moment I am confident in waiting on the Lord and the next I want to just give into this man who knows me so well (8 + years). A recent conversation reminded me of this when I asked something to the effect of, "Could you name my one of my favourite things as a child?" and he got it right the on the first try!... Oh how I want to just take it back in that moment, just be in love... but that's not following His call to Wait (Romans 8:25 & 28; Psalm 27:14).


We both know we must work towards new chapters, new beginnings - trusting He is leading. In support of one another, he has indicated a hope to potentially move closer (searching for a new position in Northern Virginia), realizing the distance has much to do with struggles between us. A long road ahead, but with much love and joy in the wait will be my walk (or at least that is what I'm shooting for in moving on).


The hardest to digest - this was one of "a lot" of decisions last week.
Others resulted in a new job (new role), a new place to live (Parc Reston still called home), a "boot"(real crutches?), and more free time to pour into His word (awesome!).
Job: I will no longer be driving to Alexandria, but to D Street in downtown DC. The client, USPS, is gigantic and may prove to be a better spot to network. My tasks still remain "project management" related, so the lateral move isn't too exciting. We'll see what happens after this ends on July 11th (praise for short-term assignments).

Home: With the economy the way it is, I would love to buy but can't find "it". With the help of a very sweet realtor, I'm on the search & an interesting task it is to look for a home - growing up ain't my cup of tea, nor is commitment really. shew... The Lord does indeed provide. my neighbor 2 floors down is in need of a roommate - we just signed a 5 month lease! I keep my fingers crossed this is where the Lord wants me for now, with Renee (more stories to come I'm certain) from April - September.

The "boot": my sad state of athletic activity. Praying for recovery so I can participate in the races I've already registered for this year. (Not to mention wanting to run off the stresses dealt daily). The time with the Lord... need I say more?

And so next Monday I start a new job. Next week I start to design a new mural. Next few minutes, I have the pleasure to pray with a dear friend - we keep running (or swimming as the case may be).

Waiting with eternal perspective.

Where do you find it?

Where do you find it?

Listening to the Fray on the drive, I contemplated where "I find God"...

Today I rode a bike given to me by a beloved family member living in Rockville, Maryland with my co-leader for a short-term missions trip to Honduras this coming summer (6/29 - 7/11). We advantageously took the W&OD trail to Leesburg, along with a million and one others... I will admit my stress fracture(s) probably didn't benefit much from this ride, but it was glorious while it lasted!

Tonight I played duck-duck-goose, simon-says, and redlightgreenlight. The drive back presented me a time to talk with my nephew about his stomach ache from a day filled with eating. We decided the cheese was just expanding in his tummy and it would be gone later that night or in the morning. He retreated from the phone and so I spoke with "grandma" how I desperately missed my art supplies; we discussed how I might be able to get my paints, etc from her if they come up to visit during my move on March 21st...Beyond this, I am in luck with art --- a potential mural may MAKE me dive back into creativity. A coffee shop in Alexandria has requested examples and sketches ASAP. Lusting in Micheal's over sable bristles of a paint brush, it's time to paint - I've got the itch.

This morning, tonight, tomorrow... I find God. I find Him present always, but it's a choice I constantly make to acknowledge Him and His lead in my life. It is Abba. Whatever it is - you must consistently find it. Not always a cake walk, living it makes each moment worth living for. This night I ponder where others find it. I surrender, greatful my Lord is it and He's got it covered... reality hits - He found me.